


Stardust and Light

by legitimate_salvage (ifinkufreaky)



Category: The Expanse (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drabbles, F/F, Intimacy, Kisses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 18:24:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18596914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifinkufreaky/pseuds/legitimate_salvage
Summary: a collection of short works about this beautiful canon-if-you-squint-hard-enough relationship between Naomi Nagata and Camina Drummer





	1. And I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for a prompted "last kiss" -- I took the dialogue from Naomi's season 3 exit from the Behemoth and added in the nuance that I think would be there if the two had been lovers... and created a little extra at the end

Naomi’s heart hurt, as she stood in front of the door to the shuttle bay, hand hovering over the keypad. She could barely wrap her head around how quickly things with Camina had changed. The crisis surrounding Holden’s shocking transmission had been so sudden, with no time for thoughtfulness, no time to make her lover see past her prejudices.

When Camina Drummer said “fire,” Naomi’s heart had shattered.

She hadn’t gone to the captain’s quarters after that shift. Naomi had returned to the bunk she was issued when they crewed up. Now as she prepared to leave Captain Drummer’s ship, she found her mind caught on the bitterly sentimental. Was it really ending like this? She wasn’t even sure what was the last time they had ever kissed. Had she given her a swift peck on that morning, before they stepped out into the corridor and became the Captain and the Chief Engineer? Did that sleepy kiss Camina had planted on her forehead count, the one that had awoken her to the buzz of her alarm?

Or perhaps their last kiss had been the night before, that ragged, hungry one that drew Naomi’s lip down while she climaxed under the press of Camina’s demanding fingers.

Their relationship had been so new, so exciting. Filled with promise and now cut short by betrayal.

With that last bitter thought, Naomi found the resolve to tap the access code that would take her away from her Belter life, perhaps forever. She had felt the air change like this before. She could not be a part of this face of the O.P.A. again.

_Access Denied._

A chill ran through her. Old, ugly fears crept up the back of Naomi’s spine as she tapped the symbols again, hoping they weren’t true, hoping that she had merely made a mistake.

_Access Denied._

Trapped. Outmaneuvered. It wouldn’t be like that again, would it? Her choices removed, compliance and silent weeping the only options. She barely suppressed a jump when she realized Camina had come to her.

Naomi barely processed her first words under the buzzing panic she fought to hold down. She told herself she was not back there, she was here. Camina was not Marco, and Naomi herself was a stronger person now. She could handle this.

Camina was explaining herself, how Ashford had been the one to anticipate Naomi’s defection. “I say why would anyone desert now? So. Why.”

_You’re talking to a friend,_ Naomi reminded herself. _Someone who sees you, the real you. She will listen. She will care about your perspective. Just say it._  “I came back for the wrong reasons.”

“I’m a wrong reason now? The Belt is in your blood. We are your people.”

Naomi’s heart cracked a little wider. Camina was trying to figure out how personally to take this. How many times would Naomi be required to choose love or loyalty? Sacrifice her feelings, in favor of doing what’s right? Camina and her dream of a free Belter life went hand in hand. She wasn’t even sure which loss would hurt worse. All she could show her was her truth. “And I love you. I always will.”

Camina couldn’t let her see the impact of the words. Naomi could only hope she would dissect them later, hear her truth and find some small solace in it. “But you’re going back to them. Your Inners.”

“I didn’t understand what I was leaving. I was being nostalgic.” Ashford’s logic had had the opposite effect than he had intended. She wished her Belter dream could have been simple. Camina and her against the void. But they were both too important for that. Naomi could see the path Camina was choosing, and she would not be party to that again.

“And without even a word to me.” Her lover’s voice broke on the last word, the most emotion she’d seen from the woman in a while.

Honesty. It was the only way. “I was afraid you wouldn’t let me go.” Not after Camina had barked that order that had two men putting their hands on her, forcibly removing her from the bridge. Not after she heard Marco in the snarling voice that rang around the command deck, whipping up the crew to ferocious cheers.

Camina Drummer stood there facing her for a long moment. Perhaps she was taking the same index of events that Naomi had. She knew about her lover’s past, what she had been put through. Did she realize it was natural for Naomi to run from this side of her?

Her face did not soften at all. But she whipped out her datapad and opened the door. “You underestimate me.” And a beat later, before Naomi had time to react at all, “I’m not him.”

Naomi felt her body sag. It felt draining and effervescent both at once, to be so understood. To be allowed to make her own choices. And almost immediately after, a burst of shame at ever doubting the woman before her. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

Camina stepped forward, posture still statuesque, but her chin dropped a few micrometers. “I know what I have to do. I stand by every decision. But I am not him. I will not control you.”

Naomi’s heart was warm and tingling and breaking all over again. “I can’t stay for this part.” The O.P.A. was going to force Camina’s hand, again and again. Into one ruthless decision after another. “Maybe after—”

Camina cut her off with a sharp hiss and a soft hand on her face. “Don’t say it.”

In their hearts they both knew that vectors of their decisions, the empty space already spreading out between them, may never let their hearts entwine again. Right now, they might be standing on a bridge made up of their last shreds of respect for each other.

Like she was jumping the gap between airlocks, Naomi pushed her face forward, anchoring herself to Camina’s lips for one last kiss.


	2. kiss on the neck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for a prompted "kiss on the neck"

It was a little thrill, every time Naomi kissed her there. It was not something Drummer would have tolerated from anyone else. Necks were so… vulnerable. You couldn’t do it without making some sort of primal statement of threat, of ownership. Not the kind of shit Drummer would have let anyone else get away with.

But Naomi was different. Strong, tough as any _pashangwala mal_ who spent their whole life in the shit, but tempered with kindness. With respect. A comforting embrace cushioned her core of steel.

From Naomi, that little kiss in the hollow of Drummer’s throat did not say “remember that I could hurt you and I choose not to.” It was, instead, the gentlest reminder. “I’m here.” “I am inside your guard because you trust me.” “Welcome home.”


	3. let me in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompted "I need you to let me all the way in."

“I need you to let me all the way in.” Naomi’s voice was tight and urgent, and she drew back from her snug position spooning Camina’s back. She dragged her fingers along the woman’s shoulder, coaxing her to roll over so she could meet her eyes.

When she obliged, Naomi was faced with the sharp gaze that had attracted her so strongly to Camina Drummer in the first place. The intensity in those dark eyes could just about drown her. “Is that what you want.” Her voice was rich and low, the comforting thud of a sealing airlock. Even when she was angry. “You think I am the one that needs to open up?” she scoffed. “It’s not me that still has one boot planted firmly in the past.”

Naomi’s body tightened, but she refused to pull away from her lover. “I can’t go back to the Roci.”

“But you want to.”

Naomi shook her head. “Too much has changed. We see things too differently. I want to be here, with my people.  _Wit to_. But I need more from you. All of you. There’s so much you won’t talk about.”

“ _To keng mi,_ ” Camina replied with a huff, twisting around so that she could pull Naomi into a fresh embrace. “Everything worth knowing.” She scratched softly at the shaved side of Naomi’s scalp, distracting her with the delightful little shivers that gesture always brought.

Naomi sighed, unable to stop her mouth from pouting. “I just… I feel a distance between us, sometimes. I don’t like it. I want to be closer to you.”

Camina grinned at her then, with that toothy smile that always infected Naomi’s face as well whenever it showed itself. She pushed forward in the small space that still separated them, and captured Naomi’s bottom lip between her own. “We can work on that,” she promised, and the crash couch whirred and adjusted as Camina rolled on top of her.


End file.
